It’s been almost 3 months since the New Year. Every year time seems to pick up speed. I made my goals and I made my declarations and I resolved to do it better this year. I even shared my sin, worry, doubts, fears, hope and dreams with all of you here in the blogoshpere.
In the last three months time, I think I might have blogged a time maybe two. Not quite what I had in mind at the start of the year. Despite my biweekly calendar reminder to blog, I haven’t been blogging regularly. Which might lead you to believe, that I haven’t been keeping up with my other goals either. Well, aren’t you in for a surprise.
I’ve been rocking it. I haven’t been perfect but I haven’t quit either. I haven’t given up. I haven’t lost my focus, my drive or my determination to become all those things I shared. What’s different? What made this happen?
I don’t know exactly and I can tell you exactly why at the same time. I didn’t take a magic pill or drink any magic water. I simply admitted I was messed up. I confessed to God and my family and friends and you that I lacked discipline, hadn’t been obeying God in every area of my life and then I changed my priorities and my behaviors.
I’m still not 100 pounds lighter, but I am down 40. The house still isn’t perfect, but you can stop by and not be grossed out or see me stressed to the breaking point that you are seeing my house in chaos. The kids don’t have a perfect homeschool teacher but they are loved, learning and making progress (we even graduated the oldest and people seem to think she turned out okay). We aren’t rich yet, but we are living disciplined, with purpose and God is getting His share first so I have no guilt or shame despite anything we lack. I feel safe and secure and am finding true peace.
While you probably could care less about any of the particulars, I’m excited. I am refreshed. I am embracing Mark 12:30 as much today as I did January 1. I am loving the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength. He is loving me back. My heart has found peace with circumstances that I don’t quite understand, enjoy or want to continue on in. My soul is growing in His word and in my relationships in ways I could never ask or imagine. My mind is learning new things, practicing skills in old things and adapting to be better based on what He is teaching me. My strength, well, my strength is getting better, faster, stronger and whatever else Justin Bieber sang about…. AND, I am super excited to be signed up for my first ever 5K in 8 weeks with Jason and as many family and friends I can get to join with me.
So take that New Year Resolutions! You know, those resolutions that never make it into February with me on normal years. But this is the new normal. This is the new me.
As March rolls into April, and I’m looking forward to celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus, I can’t help but think about how my life has been resurrected with His. Because He died on the cross for all the areas I fall short in, because that is what sin is, falling short of the mark God has set, He paid the price that I have spent the last 37 years saving up for trying to pay back. I never came close. I don’t think I even made a dent. But this year, my #im38 year, I’m letting Him just frame the receipt for me for what He paid in full. I’m living my life now paying things forward instead of trying to pay Him back. It’s much better this way.
I’m loving being in a healthy, Godly church that challenges me to reach beyond my comfort zone and share with others who Jesus is in my life. I’m loving being in a marriage that is nowhere near perfect but we love each other like crazy and we’re going to spend our whole lives working to get it right. I have 5 priceless kids who amaze me with their insight and love of this beautiful life. I love knowing that I get to pour into them and watch them grow into beautiful humans who love big.
Things can change. People can change. I’m proof. I can’t change things for you but I can introduce you to the one who can. Thanks for being on this journey with me. While I promised my blogs wouldn’t all be this cathartic it has been that way. Look forward to more joy, opinions and of course, therapeutic confessions! Have a great Resurrection Celebration and bring those resolutions back to life if you buried them 3 months ago.